One of the hardest pains to bear.

So as I said I share my life with 2 pugs. I have raised both my pugs from 8 weeks of age and they have been spoilt in every way that I can. When you first get a puppy you think of how cute they are, how you are going to train it to sit, shake and other tricks. You only think about the things that are awesome about owning a dog. 
It is when that little puppy out grows you and reaches the last stages of their lives do only begin to think how your life is going to be different. How you are not going to have that unconditional love, the over excited greeting when you come home, the sitting at your feet and just wanting to keep you company. You come to the realisation that there will be a sizeable hole in your heart when death's embrace comes.

Sadly I am going through this stage. My little black shadow Hagrid, (I know what your thinking, that is by far the coolest name for a pug ever right!) has gotten old. Not only has he gotten old, his conditioning deteriorated fairly rapidly. He had a check up and was given some pills to treat an infection and he was on the mend. I was stoked he was bouncing back and looking good. And then just as quick, he started to go backwards again but fast. Here was my little buddy, my shadow to weak to even follow me around any more. It is heartbreaking for me.

You see I welcomed my daughter into the world earlier this year and Hagrid had really bonded with her and was happy to sit with her and take anything she could dish out. He would sit at her feet and other times would try to lick her to death. She loved it. But that is gone now. I don't know if her little heart will remember him when she is older that my little mate was her little mate too. 
My Son does not really grasp the fact that when he comes home from preschool tomorrow Hagrid will not be there. We tried to explain it, but I think the concept is too hard for him to grasp right now. I already have a huge void in my heart and its only going to grow when he finally grasps the concept of loss and begins his first real process of grief.

The thing is, this is not the first pet I have lost. My wife's dog passed away and her connection was deeper as she bottle fed her from the day of Chloe's birth. She was our first dog and our first "baby". I just did not feel as I do now. This is different. I have stewed over my decision for a couple of days.

The thing is I am qualified as a Veterinary Nurse. (No JOKE! Yes I obtained Diploma Level from TAFE) The logical and trained part of me says it needs to be done he is not maintaining a normal lifestyle and he will be suffering. The heart also agrees. As painful as it is, I have to call time for the little guy. I will be sending my mate to death today. I will assist in the easing of his suffering forever. Read those words again.....

 I will be sending my mate to death today. ME. His best mate.

I posted on my Facebook something to help me ease my pain yesterday. Except it didn't.

As one life begins to blossom, another begins to wilt. This is the cycle of life. Whilst the pain of seeing ones life who is very dear to you coming to an end is difficult. Remember that that pain you feel is because of the deep love you have for them. It is this love that will comfort them as they move from this world to the next.

I believe in my heart that I am doing the right thing. I hope that he feels that love I have in my heart.

R.I.P Hagrid

My little shadow.